The RAWL Journey: Picking Up the Pieces

It's amazing how quickly time passes by sometimes. I knew it had been a couple of weeks since my last blog entry but I didn't realize it had been over a month! It's time to begin picking up the pieces that have been crumbling around me and to share with you why I've been so absent lately.

The past month has been very difficult for me in many ways. I've been fighting mild depression due to season changes as well as progressively noticing changes with my disease. Pain, stiffness and fatigue have been ongoing opponents in my battle to take back my life from the hold Rheumatoid Arthritis has had on it.

The hardest part of doing this program, fighting a disease and trying to balance family life (while having a child with high needs) is the mental aspect. I let the stress build until it overwhelms every part of me which lately has been causing my hair to fall out in large amounts! Every single day I stuggle to overcome the thoughts that weigh me down. The guilt of walking out the door to bootcamp while my child cries and begs me to stay. The negative feedback I give myself every time I realize there is an exercise that my joints will not cooperate with. The sadness that comes with feeling so fatigued all of the time. This is the biggest problem that I face and it is simply a war against myself.

My weight has been fluctuating up and down over the past several weeks while I struggle to stay on track. I lose a couple of pounds and the next week I gain a pound. Slowly I am still losing weight. I have lost around 7 or 8 lbs in the past 7 weeks. No, it is not the amount or rate of loss that I was hoping for but I am still pleased with my results because they are going in the right direction.

The past week things have started to look up again. The sun has been shining, I've been taking my vitamins and using my workouts as a way to release some stress.

I am now officially in size 20 pants and likely will be buying size 18 in the next week or so. This is a huge change seeing as when I started in June my pants were a size 26! I had to buy a new sweater because my other one was literally two sizes too big but it made for lots of great laughs when I wore it! I occasionally wear make-up now and I actually care about how I look when I leave the house. I am starting to recognize the person looking back at me when I look in the mirror. I look forward to going out and I am very much looking forward to Christmas parties this year. For the first time in a long time, when I am in public I do not feel like the largest person in a room. I even look forward to shopping now because I know that I can find things that will fit and that will look good!

On Monday evening, we had our group night out. We rode in style in limos from Hollywood Limosine and dined at Fat Tuesdays! It was a fabulous night with great friends, fabulous food and lots of laughter. This night out seemed to kick start my holiday season because from now until Christmas I will be a very busy bee! This is my favorite time of the year and my holiday spirit seems to be lifted and ready for an early start. I cannot wait to decorate my house inside and out for the holidays. I usually wait until December 1st but I think I will do it either this weekend or next. Why wait when it's something so wonderful?! Getting closer to Christmas really seems to be helping me out of this funk I've been in. Yes, it will get harder to stick to the meal plan with all of the holiday parties but getting myself back in the right mindset and futher away from depression, that makes it worth it!

Here are a few photos from Monday night to enjoy:

Inside Hollywood Limosine's Hummer limo...aka party-on-wheels!