I have come to many road blocks along my Rheumstoid Arthritis Weight Loss journey. Sometimes you feel like giving up, giving in and accepting defeat. Some of my major road blocks over the past year have been, SAD (seasonal affective disorder), my RA medications not working quite as well as they used to, multiple lung, ear and throat infections, agressive seasonal allergies that resisted all attempts to medicate, Achilles tendinitis, anemia (requiring me to begin iron infusions in a few weeks) and severe gluten intolerance. Meanwhile I have a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, anxiety and may have a learning disability. Then in June an active 14 year old student at the school where I work, he died in his sleep from heart failure. Indeed a lot can happen in a year.
I have gained a lot of weight back but not all of it (in fact, less than half). The fatigue has been overwhelming and impossible to control. Instead of focusing on myself, my priority has been my daughter. I have had little energy to spare so I decided that she needed me more than I needed the gym. That was the right decision for me and my life at the time.
I finally I decided that it was time to get my life back under control. I needed to get back on track and that TODAY was the day. Not tomorrow, not next week, not next month or on the weekend. Today. All we really have is today and if we don't take care of ourselves now, who knows how many tomorrows we will have or if our health (no matter how bad right now) will take a turn for the worse. No more waiting, no more dreaming, just doing.
As I drove in to the gym tonight, I drove through a huge cloud of dust and dirt that was nearly blinding as I went through yet another area under construction. It doesn't matter which direction you are heading in right now, there is construction everywhere in this city. If you are heading to work, a friend's, family, a date, the gym and each are in a different direction, you will run in to construction along the way and have to take a detour. I started thinking and realized how similar this is to life. We are often given choices to stop and quit or to take a detour. Sometimes those detours take a lot longer to get to your final destination but you just can't give up. You turn around and take another path even if it means taking a step back for a little while in order to see the way more clearly.
My life is not a fairy tale or made up of magic. There is a lot of struggle both physically and mentally. At times I sound and feel very negative but in the end, I find my way. I am back on the path that I have long been searching for and I cannot wait to see what lies ahead. But for now I will continue to live in the moment and take it day by day.
P.S. In order to help remain accountable, I am going to track my progress and announce my weight. I will not be ashamed, because I am human and we make mistakes.
June 2012: 306.6 lbs
November 2012: 256.6 lbs
Currently: 278.4 lbs