Picking Up the Pieces

It's amazing how quickly time passes by sometimes.  I knew it had been a couple of weeks since my last blog entry but I didn't realize it had been over a month!  It's time to begin picking up the pieces that have been crumbling around me and to share with you why I've been so absent lately.

The past month has been very difficult for me in many ways.  I've been fighting mild depression due to season changes as well as progressively noticing changes with my disease.  Pain, stiffness and fatigue have been ongoing opponents in my battle to take back my life from the hold Rheumatoid Arthritis has had on it. 

The hardest part of doing this program, fighting a disease and trying to balance family life (while having a child with high needs) is the mental aspect.  I let the stress build until it overwhelms every part of me which lately has been causing my hair to fall out in large amounts!  Every single day I stuggle to overcome the thoughts that weigh me down.  The guilt of walking out the door to bootcamp while my child cries and begs me to stay.  The negative feedback I give myself every time I realize there is an exercise that my joints will not cooperate with.  The sadness that comes with feeling so fatigued all of the time.  This is the biggest problem that I face and it is simply a war against myself.

My weight has been fluctuating up and down over the past several weeks while I struggle to stay on track.  I lose a couple of pounds and the next week I gain a pound.  Slowly I am still losing weight.  I have lost around 7 or 8 lbs in the past 7 weeks.  No, it is not the amount or rate of loss that I was hoping for but I am still pleased with my results because they are going in the right direction.

The past week things have started to look up again.  The sun has been shining, I've been taking my vitamins and using my workouts as a way to release some stress.

I am now officially in size 20 pants and likely will be buying size 18 in the next week or so.  This is a huge change seeing as when I started in June my pants were a size 26!  I had to buy a new sweater because my other one was literally two sizes too big but it made for lots of great laughs when I wore it!  I occasionally wear make-up now and I actually care about how I look when I leave the house.  I am starting to recognize the person looking back at me when I look in the mirror.  I look forward to going out and I am very much looking forward to Christmas parties this year.  For the first time in a long time, when I am in public I do not feel like the largest person in a room.  I even look forward to shopping now because I know that I can find things that will fit and that will look good!

On Monday evening, we had our group night out.  We rode in style in limos from Hollywood Limosine and dined at Fat Tuesdays!  It was a fabulous night with great friends, fabulous food and lots of laughter.  This night out seemed to kick start my holiday season because from now until Christmas I will be a very busy bee!  This is my favorite time of the year and my holiday spirit seems to be lifted and ready for an early start.  I cannot wait to decorate my house inside and out for the holidays.  I usually wait until December 1st but I think I will do it either this weekend or next.  Why wait when it's something so wonderful?!  Getting closer to Christmas really seems to be helping me out of this funk I've been in.  Yes, it will get harder to stick to the meal plan with all of the holiday parties but getting myself back in the right mindset and futher away from depression, that makes it worth it!

Here are a few photos from Monday night to enjoy:

Inside Hollywood Limosine's Hummer limo...aka party-on-wheels!

Dinner with 20 of my closest friends at Fat Tuesdays!

Having a great time...the new me!



Have a fabulous day everyone!!  xoxo

Back to Reality

When I speak of reality, I mean a food plan that you can live with long-term!  We will be receiving our new meal plans tomorrow but we were able to discuss some of the fabulous parts that are being added and were not a part of the last Biggest Loser.  We have been given permission to have one cheat meal per week.  That cheat meal could be one of two things: alcohol (3 glasses of wine, vodka water or light beer) OR eat anything we want for one meal!  Seeing as I rarely drink, have hardly ever drank beer (and recently seemed to have a mild allergic reaction to it), and it is not recommended to drink on my medication, I don't think my doctors would be happy with me drinking. 

So, I went straight out and had my favourite perogie pizza with sour cream for dinner and then chased it with a glass of milk!  YUM!  Hello gluten, hello dairy, nice to see you again.  I only hope they do not bring unwanted visitors with them (meaning they better not make me sick tonight)!  It was super yummy and such a great cheat that I feel like I really got cheating out of my system. 

Also being added to our plan is one dessert per week as long as it's one of Kathy's recipes and I'm completely fine with that because her brownies are delicious (I still have some frozen that have been waiting to be eaten).  I also found out that her "Mancakes" or "Protein pancakes" are on the plan and can be eaten every day AND with more maple syrup than before...how can this possibly be legal?!  If only everyone knew these tricks and recipes, there would be a lot less people overweight and a lot more happy, skinny people.  I will be cooking up massive amounts this weekend to freeze and devour every day until I either turn into a pancake or Kathy tells me to stop, whichever comes first!

Now, onto the difficult part of my night.  Kathy Smart is our incredible nutritionist whom I cannot say enough nice things about.  She is a sweetheart, brilliant nutritionist full of fabulous knowledge, and creates the most amazing recipes.  On top of all of that, she is also a trainer.  She does not train others often but has trained several of our other trainers at one time or another.  For the very first time, she was our fitness trainer tonight. 

Oh-my-gosh!  I feel like I took a trip to hell and they turned up the heat so I could sweat buckets while the devil sat and laughed!  Kathy is unstoppable, literally (we were practically begging her to make it end).  When you think you are done, nope.  It if seemed tough, like you need a rest, that means you are just begining.  One of our trainers said she is the only trainer who ever brought him close to throwing up (and HE has brought all of US to that point)!  Someone else said they watched her train another group once and when she thought they were doing an intense workout, she discovered it was actually their cool-down!  How can someone with a heart of gold be so evil in a workout??  At least she does it with a smile and her positive attitude is infectious which helped it to be a positive experience, no matter how difficult it was (but shhhh, don't tell Kathy I said that)!!

I believe I can hear my bed calling me as I write this.  I might fall into it like a ton of bricks (or at least 259.8lbs of bricks!) but that just means I won't have to move for a few hours.  I know I will be sore tomorrow, but what I'm dreading is the "2nd day after" (which is always the worst) because I have dance class to make it through in one piece on Saturday.  Wish me luck!

Goodnight and God bless!

Giving Thanks

It's a funny thing when you become a blogger.  You begin with a purpose whether it be speaking your mind, updating those around with your current thoughts and activities, or maybe even just your opinions on a range of subjects.  In my case it was to keep those I loved infomed, bring awareness to people about my dibilitating disease, and to put my progress into writing in order to hold myself accountable.  Sometimes, however, magic happens and it turns into more than that.  It is still all of that but so much more.  My blog entries have now had over 2500 views combined (and no, they are not all from me)!  Regulrly I run into friends, coworkers, aquaintances and family members who stop me and tell me to keep up the blog because they are reading it and folloing my journey.  Every single time someone tells me that, I am inspired.  But mostly, I feel blessed.

This weekend, here in Canada, was Thanksgiving.  I spent a wonderful day on Saturday eating fabulous food with family.  When I say I spent it with family, I mean I spent it with 50 of my closst family members each of whom I love dearly and would be lost without!  There were some who could not make it, and their absence was noticed (yes, even in a crowd that big we notice whem someone is missing).  I cannot help but feel so incredibly blessed for the amazing people in my life whom I have the privilege to call my family.  There are many that live far away that I rarely get to see and I think of each of them often.  Even those ones do not hesitate to reach out to me from afar to let me know they are supporting me and this journey that I am on.  Because of this wonderful thing we call the internet, we are all able to remain connected even with oceans between us.  I just want to take this moment to tell every one of you how much I love you and how thankful I am that you are a part of my life.

This weekend was a test for those of us trying to watch what we eat (as it has been my whole life, but usually I don't care if I fail that test)!  Luckily and unfortunately my famly has several people who have sentivities to gluten, dairy, nuts, soy and are either vegan or vegetarian.  Becase of this, I had so many options to choose from this year at our massive meal (I'm quite sure we could feed an army with the amount of food we always have) that would fit into my new way of life.  I think about half (or more) of my meal remained gluten free and vegan.  However, with the rest I allowed myself to enjoy a few items that love.  I did not overindulge like I usually would have, but I did eat more than what I have been the past few months which left me feeling very full.  I felt a bit ill at first but it settled much quicker than years and holidays past.  I was very grateful for that because that just makes it more comfortable for sleeping (be honest, sleeping is what we all do after eating turkey)!

Now, I'm not sure if eating those few extra items I shouldn't have are the culprits, but I have been feeling very "off" for a few days now.  I cannot seam to get myself back on track.  I am not overindulging but rather undereating now.  I have been overly tired to the point of exhaustion.  I am sleeping close to 12 hours per night, getting up for a few hours and then needing a nap for an hour or more.  It does not seem to matter how much I sleep.  I am used to feeling like this during one of my many RA flares, but my joints don't feel like they are flaring right now.  I also have no energy to even warm up the food I have frozen so I'd just rather not eat and go back to bed.  It's a very strange way to feel specially since every time I eat something I just end up feeling very nauseous afterwards and it lasts for hours.  I have been dealing with a lot of stress lately and today I had my MRI.  Hopefully between the MRI results and trying to get rid some of the stress, things will sort themselves out and I'll be back to myself in no time.  Well, enough about that...

Tonight officially marks the two-week point of Biggest Loser Ottawa 3.  That means it was another weigh-in tonight.  Being that it was Thanksgiving weekend and we were all given approval for a 1-hour cheat meal, I don't think many of us were expecting fantastic numbers tonight.  But let's be honest, I'm NEVER expecting good numbers!  Luckily I had a workout yesterday with Pedro and our regular class tonight with Kristy.  That helped to burn off some of that meal before stepping on the scale.   I am down to 259.8 lbs which means that even with Thanksgiving, I lost 4.4 lbs this week giving me a total of 9.8 lbs in only 2 weeks (3.64%)!  For those who want to know what this means in total from where I began in June, I have now lost a grand total of 46.8 lbs (15.26%)!!!

With that good news delivered, I bid you goodnight and God bless!

Back At It Again

Well, we are now officially at the one week mark for Biggest Loser Ottawa 3!  I have now suffered through 4 workouts and I am still alive.  It has been a difficult week but I have to admit it hasn't been nearly as bad as the first week of the last Biggest Loser.

This past Saturday I had my dance class and I was a little afraid seeing as I had so much trouble during the first class.  I have a lot of work to do in order to get to the level that the other women are at, but I am just so excited that I at least made it through the WHOLE class this time!  We get a great workout but I was able to keep up with the choreography and cannot wait to learn more.  It feels amazing to be doing something I love again.  I finally feel like I'm starting to really live my life again which gives me such inner peace.

Don't worry, that inner peace is disturbed again every Tuesday,Thusday and Sunday when I have Biggest Loser bootcamp!

We are doing a two-week liver detox so our diet is a little more restrictive than usual.  So far I am enjoying it!  The only thing I did not enjoy was choking back 2 cups of steamed broccoli on my first night of the plan.  I have never in my life managed to eat that much of any cooked vegetable. Just to clarify, I hate cooked vegetables!  This weekend I went over to my parents place where I was able to cook up the recipes for one of the other meal options.  No more broccoli for me now, just yummy soup and squash.

This weekend I also went out shopping.  I had to get a new outfit for my nephew's Christening which was on Sunday (my husband and I are his proud Godparents)!  I was so excited to buy 1X for my top and to wear a pair of size 20 pants!  So yes, this means I have gone down another pant size.  While I was at my parents' place I also went shopping...through my old clothes!  It was like winning the jackpot because I came home with about a dozen "new" old tops that I used to wear.  I even found some old pants that have hardly been worn.  Sure beats spending money to buy stuff that won't fit me in another 3 months!

Tonight was our first weigh-in after one week on our new meal plan.  I was really hoping for massive numbers like my first week during the last Biggest Loser.  Unfortunately that was a little bit unfair to myself to expect that.  I've already been doing this for months which is the opposite of the last time where I had been doing nothing for years.  I'm very plased wih my results because I lost 5.4 lbs in one week!  That is a whole 2% of my starting weight from this new session.  I am still waitng for the results to be posted so that I can see where I stand next to the others.  Adrian has decided that he will only be posting the top 10 out of the 20 of us so I just pray that I've lost enough to be near the top.  I have no idea how the others have done but as of right nowI am proud of my results.

So far this journey is turning out to be as awesome as the first and I cannot wait for it to get even better.  I can feel that my medication is already beginning to work together with the exercise to reduce my swelling and pain.  Because of tha I a leap years ahead of what I was during the last session.  My goal was to lose 40lbs this time around (I only managed 38.2 during the last one).  I've decided that my goal is now 45lbs, so let's see if I can either hit or surpass my goal,why don't we?!

Goodnight, sweet dreams and God bless!

It's a New Day

Three and a half months ago I started this blog talking about the fact that I had tried to win my spot into Biggest Loser Ottawa 2.  I had over 400 votes that time but the winner had over 600 votes.  I could not afford the program but miraculously I had an anonymous donor pay for my program.  I really hope I made them proud but the most important thing is that I made MYSELF proud!

Today I am writing because it is the beginning of a new leg of my journey.  Again, as many of you know, I was looking for votes.  I cannot afford the program but medically speaking I couldn't afford NOT to do it so I HAD to win my spot into the program.  I used every possible outlet I could imagine, contacted every single person I have ever met, all of my networks and support groups I use and encouraged everyone to contact everyone that they knew.  I was trailing behind in votes a couple of days ago so I hardly slept over the past few nights.  Last night the voting closed and I was informed that I had won with an astounding 1883 votes!  The amount of support that everyone has shown me has been humbling, overwhelming and exhilerating.  I can finally sleep knowing that my life is about to change in a much bigger way than it already has.

I never imagined that my life would be interesting enough or inspiring enough for peope to want to hear about it.  This journey has been an amazing way to express myself and inspire others in ways I never thought I could.  I now feel like the struggles I have been facing with my rheumatoid arthritis has all been worth it.  If I can inspire others to take control and make a difference, as well as bring awareness to a disease that few know anything about, then my suffering has been worth it.

Tonight was the first day of Biggest Loser Ottawa 3!!!  We had a shorter than usual workout but it was amazing.  It felt so good to get back into the gym even though I felt like it was going to kill me!  At one point I was sure I was going to be sick but it felt so good to know that I am already so much further ahead than I was when I started three months ago.  I actually managed to do a few (as in 3 or 4) regular jumping jacks tonight for the very first time since starting this journey.  We had to do 3 laps of the building and I managed to jog about half way around each lap for the very first time too.  We did an extremely intense ab wokout that made my body burn, sweat and cramp but I can't wait to do it again to get rid of the stomach that has been in my way for all too long.  I cannot wait to see how I will look in 3 months.  I lost 38.2 lbs the last time so I am determined to hit my goal and lose at least 40 more pounds this time!

Tonight we had a lot of discussion, received information and got to know each other.  We had a group before photo taken (see below) and it turned out great.  We had to do our starting measurements, individual before photos and initial weigh-ins.  I don't remember what my inches were at my final weigh-in, but I can tell you that my weigh-in tonight made me very pleased.  My starting weight tonight is only 1.4 lbs heavier than my final weigh-in three weeks ago.  I currently weigh 269.8 lbs, three and a half months ago I weighed 306.6 lbs.  I have been half on my meal plan  for three weeks and due to my infusions and pain, I haven't been working out (except for one workout on Saturday that I will explain in a minute).  Not only did my weight almost stay the same, but my final weigh-in was a 8:00am and tonight my wigh-in was 8:00pm.  There is a very big difference between what you weigh in the morning and at night!

I can tell that we have an amazing group again this time.  There are 20 all together and about half of us are from Biggest Loser Ottawa 2.  The newbies got a very loud welcome today when they discovered how crazy and goofy we can be!  I look forward to making so many new friends and spending more time with the ones I made 3 months ago.  The bond we create in this group is the kind that lasts.  This group feels more like a family than strangers and friends.

In other related news, I will explain my workout from this past Saturday.  I decided to try an Afro-Caribbean dance class because I've been wanting to dance again and have been wanting to try a class like hat for years.  The instructor started the class by explainig my journey with Biggest Loser, my weight loss and letting everyone know that she would be emailing them with a link to vote for me. It was such a nice welcome! 

I really wasn't sure if my body was ready to cooperate or if I would be in too much pain.  Within minutes into the class I was feeling overwhelmed.  The feelings and thoughts running through my head as I struggled to catch my breath were identical to my very first day of training during Biggest Loser Ottawa 2.  I had trouble keeping up and felt like I was letting myself and everyone else down.  To top it off I was having some very serious dizzy spells that I did not anticipate and I forgot my inhaler.  It was not going very well and I was embrassed. 

I kept taking breaks to settle my desire to pass out and to breathe calmly.  I tried to do it discretely as not to disrupt the class and to avoid drawing more attention to my inadequate performance.  Once I felt like I was settled enough, I would go back in and pick up from where I left off.  Everyone was very supportive, much like my Biggest Loser goup (one woman at the end told me she could tell I used to dance and encouraged me to continue coming to the class), but I thought I was going to collapse from exhaustion and the desire to disappear! 

It has been many years since I have done a dance class (about 9) and by the time we were half way through the class I was dying for it to end so I could quit without drawing attention to myself.  I would simply walk away and not come back.  I had it all planned.  When the end of the class came, I made a very solid decision that would be another major change in my life.  Because I wanted to quit so badly, I decided that was the exact reason as to why I couldn't.  I could NOT let my RA, weight or health issues control this part of my life.  Dancing makes me happy and I will not give my happiness away anymore!  I walked right out of that class into the hallway where I immediately signed myself up to take the class for the next three and a half months.

Today is a new day and this is my new life.  I cannot wait to see where it leads me!  I already know that I will have a few bumps in the road ahead but I will take them one day at a time until I can conquer them all.  The first bump will be tackling the dizziness with an MRI in a couple of weeks.  Once I get through that I can begin to find answers to remedy the situation and hopefully bring fabulous results.

Goodnight and God bless!

Biggest Loser Ottawa 3 - Day 1!



The Time Has Come

The past two weeks since completing Biggest Loser Ottawa 2 have been very difficult for me.  I have had two infusions and have been battling a big flare with my rheumatoid arthritis.  Last week I had difficulty walking, had a day where I couldn't brush my hair and could hardly get out of bed.  Because of this, I am more determined than ever to continue on my journey and keep this disease under control.

Voting has begun for Biggest Loser Ottawa 3.  If I receive the most votes, I can get into the program for free and continue in the program.  You can vote one time per email address so please vote with every email address you own.  Please also ask everyone you know to vote for me too!  It only takes a minute and it would make such a huge difference in my life.  You can find the link to the voting site at the bottom of this blog entry.  You do not need to live here or even in this country to be able to vote so please do pass it along!

In other news, one of the biggest things the RA has taken away from me is my ability to dance.  I used to dance up to 15 hours per week and it made me so happy.  Two years ago I attempted to join a dance class but the pain was unbearable and I had to drop out after the first class.  I am excited to announce that on Saturday I will be attempting to join another dance class.  I will be joining an Afro-Caribbean dance class which is something that I have been wanting to try for years.  My daughter has just joined their youngest class so I decided that it was time to try dancing again.  I am praying that my body will cooperate since I have made so much progress with Biggest Loser.  This would give me a chance to do something that I love.  This would truly be taking back my life, the old life I thought was lost forever.  I'm so excited about this adventure that I have butterflies in my stomach and it's still days away!

Another exciting thing is that I went out last night to purchase a new black workout shirt and sports bra to conquer the dance class.  That may be more info than you care to know, but all women know how important good exercise gear and support is!  I am more excited than one should be over such a small purchase but that is because I purchased both items in a size XL!  That is regular sizing, not plus sized!!!  That was something I was not expecting at all.  I tried on the 2XL first but found that it didn't fit quite right.  I decided to give the XL a try and I expected that it would be way too small.  I was blown away when it fit.  This is just another milestone I have hit and it feels so good.  Not too long ago I was wearing 2XL and 3XL.  By the time I complete Biggest Loser Ottawa 3, I will no longer be shopping in the plus sized stores for anything.  Once that happens, I will never step back into one ever again.  This change is here to stay!!!

Please take a moment to vote, it would mean the world to me.  Just choose "Laura" from the list of names, enter your name and email address, then submit.  It's as simple as that!

www.amdbootcamp.com/biggestloservoting

You have all been so kind, supportive and inspiring.  I cannot thank you enough for all that you have done for me!

The Big Day

Well, today is the day that I have been waiting for.  It's been months in the making but today was the final weigh-in, first day of school and my infusion.  I started my day by getting my daughter off to school and then cried the whole way to the gym!  My baby started kindergarten and no matter how prepared I thought I was, nothing prepared me for the emtional avalanch of her rushing to the bus and forgetting to kiss her goodbye.  I was such a mess!  Please be patient with me a moment because this proud mama has to share a couple of photos with you!  Keilana looks so grown up (she's only 5 and a half) until you see how tiny she is next to a bus!

After my weigh-in I went directly to my infusion.  I was there for 5 hours having more drugs pumped into me than the average person has in a lifetime.  I had two extra-strength Tylenol, one extra strength Gravol tablet (which didn't curb the nausea for the first hour so I needed a cold cloth to help), 100 mg Prednisone via IV (a steroid that causes my heart to race in the evening and headaches for a few days afterwards...the maximum I have in one day for the pain during a bad flare is 20mg), 50 mg Benedryl via IV (to fend off potential reactions like when my throat sarted to close during my first infusion), and 1000 mg Rituxan (a high dose of chemo). 

I am pleased to announce that other than some nausea we had no problems this time.  They even got the IV in on the first try (there's first time for everything)!  I will be back at work tomorrow and will only need Advil to fend off the headaches as much as possible.  In two weeks I have to repeat this whole proces but since it went so smotthly this time, I am less anxious about it.  Here are a couple photos of the side of arthritis that most people never see (a big reason why advocacy and awareness are such a big focus for those of us with autoimmune arthritis).  This is how I spent most of my day:

When I got to the gym this morning I was prepared, complete with wardrobe changes.  I'm such a dork!  They likely didn't have much effect on my results, but it's a mental thing.  I wore a dress for the weigh-in because it was light-weight.  I wore my exercise gear for the measurements because it was more fitted and no fabric would get in the way (plus it's the same clothes I've used for all of my measurements).  Then for my "after" photo I wore something more flattering because there is no way I'm letting them use a photo of me in my flaw-hugging workout clothes!  Yes, I have been open and have posted some of the most unflattering photos of myself in this blog, but that is because I was showing the hard work, not trying to look cute.  If I'm going to show how much better I look now, it only makes sense to wear something that looks good, right?!

My results from Biggest Loser Ottawa 2 are as follows:  5th Place (was in 4th but they made a mistake with one of the other women's numbers so I got bumped a notch)!!!
-38.2 lbs
-46.5inches
-12.46% body weight
Fitness Evaluation –19mins 50sec droped to 13mins flat

My goal was to lose at least 40 pounds and I was SO close!  Even though I am slightly disappointed, I am more proud of myself than anything.  I accomplised so much.  I started the pogram a week late and fought a battle with rheumatoid arthritis throughout the program.  I walked with a cane just one week before starting the program and now I can jog.  There are no words to explain how great this feels!  Biggest Loser Ottawa 3 is now set to begin on September 18th, the same day as my next infusion. I believe the videos for voting will be posted next week (everything has been delayed a week).  Assuming all goes well with my infusion, I will be going to that first workout at least to watch even if I cannot do anything.  I may look a little grey, but I figure that will make for an awesome before photo, right?!

So here we have it, before and after photos showing my fabulous results.  Once the official before and after photos from Biggest Loser Ottawa 2 are available, I will post those for you too.  For now I have photos of me wearing the same shirt, same size, in two different colours.  You can clearly see how differently it fits now.  The pants in the after photo are also two sizes smaller!

             1 year ago - approx. 306.6 lbs                                                    Week 10 - 274.4 lbs                
                   August 2011                                                                 August 2012  (now 268.4 lbs!!!)

                           



Nothing is impossible.  Live your life to the fullest and make your dreams come true!

Goodnight and GOD BLESS!!!

Making It Count

Where do I even begin?!  Tonight was our final regular group workout.  It was the most intense workout yet and it was worth every second. We were all asked to bring a backpack and towels, then meet Adrian at the bottom of a hill.  We were all worried that Adrian would make us carry the weight that we had lost.  We've been told that it's supposed to feel empowering but we didn't think so!  We were just guessing at what was to come and I was feeling really intimiated.

The hill we were meeting at is where Adrian and Kathy took us on our night out in the limos.  That night we stopped half way up the hill and all got out to look at the horizon and reflect on how far we had come.  Tonight we met at the bottom and had to face our past.   Our backpacks were loaded up with weights amounting to how much we have lost over the course of Biggest Loser Ottawa #2.  I had a 16 kg kettle bell in the bottom of my bag.  We then had a long hike ahead of us up the entire hill.  People driving by were amazing and either honked or shouted out the window (or from their motorcycle) to show support!  The weight was very hard on the back because it was so heavy and would push into my back.  I had towels to pad it but they don't really stand up very well against that much weight.  A mattress on the other hand could have done a much better job!

I was the last person to make it to the top of the hill.  Normally I would have felt discouraged and disappointed but I didn't feel that at all.  I MADE IT!  That was all that mattered.  Many of my teammates came down the hill to meet up with me and offered motivational support.  I only stopped a couple of times for a few seconds to catch my breath.  Not only did I hardly stop, but I also didn't take my inhaler at all tonight.  I can't believe I did it on my own!  As I reached a couple of meters from the top, one of the women put her hand under my backpack to take some of the pressure off of my lower back and then helped me remove the backpack at the very top when I felt like I could barely move.  I cannot express how much everyone means to me.

After we got to the top of the hill, Adrian had us all remove our backpacks and walk futher across a flatter stretch of road.  What an amazing feeling.  He wanted to show us how that weight weighed us down before and how much easier it is now without the weight.  I felt like jelly but walking without that weight sure gave me a bounce in my step!  All of my thoughts about it not being a good idea were tossed out the window.  I feel so empowered now.  I am so glad that weight is gone and never coming back.  Tonight I said goodbye to that weight for good and then burried 6 feet under!

Our workout did not stop there.  We had to do kettlebell swings, push ups and plenty of additional walking.  Now that we were at the top of the hill we had to walk back down but this time without the backpacks.  A lighter back was good but the problem was that this time getting to the bottom only meant going back up again...pushing Adrian's TRUCK!  Yes, as a team we had to PUSH a pick-up truck UP a hill while it had all of our backpacks in it (which added another 400 + pounds to the weight of the truck)!!!

Adrian was careful and drove up the steapest incline so that we wouldn't get hurt.  It was hard but we make a great team.  My parents were there so that my mom could take some photos for me and without knowing, they became our target!  We had to push the truck up to where my father was parked on the side of the road.  Unfortunately my father didn't know that so as we got closer, he would inch forward a little bit.  Luckily, I convinced my mom to run and tell my dad to stop moving!  They did get some amazing photos though. 

After having carried our weight, moving a truck, and walking a couple of kilometers uphill, of course we couldn't possibly be done yet.  We walked back down the hill and then we were loaded back up with the weights again.  To finish off our night we had to carry those backpacks down the road to where all of the cars were parked.  It was flatter but a bit of a distance.  It was such a great workout and I am absolutely exhausted now!  I feel like I could sleep for a week.  I wish I could convince the new Principal to implement nap time at the high school where I work!  I just have to get through one more crazy day at work.  Luckily we have a long weekend this weekend and then I have my infusion to look forward to.

Tuesday morning, right before my infusion, will be my final weigh-in.  I am hoping to make it into the top 3 but having gained some weight two weeks ago I got bumped into 5th place.  We won't know until Tuesday whether I manage to squeeze back up there.  Luckily, because it is a long weekend I am secretly hoping some of the others ahead of me cheat a bit!  I have no plans to go anywhere or do anything that could blow me off-track so I'm glad.  We have also been given the opportunity to participate in a Last Chance Workout on Monday night at Green's Creek (the dreaded tobogan hill from earlier in the program).  There is no way that I am missing out on that!  Not everyone can make it out that night so those of us who do definitely have a bit of an advantage.

On Tuesday we had our fitness test to compare where we started to where we are now.  Tonight we had to face that ugly past by carrying all of that weight all over again.  On Monday we will face our fears and take on Green's Creek one last time during this program.  I really hate that hill but I'm anxious to see what I can do now!

I still have a long way to go but I am very proud of how far I have come.  Take a look at some of my workout photos below to see what losing 35 lbs looks like:

Week 1                                                                           Today

Week 2                                                                           Today

I will be sure to post good "Before" and "After"photos next week after the final weigh in.  That way you can get the full effect!

Goodnight and God bless!!!

The Final Push

We are now only one week away from the final weigh-in.  There was no weigh-in tonight so we are essentially doing it blind for the last week.  I snuck in a weigh-in tonight at home on my Wii beause I've been worried.  I was not pleased with the number but my scale is off from the one at the gym.  I'm trying not to let it bother me and I won't step on it again.  I have got to push so hard right to the end.  My meals will be crutial this week because we only have one more workout left and a long holiday weekend this coming weekend.  Luckily I don't have any major plans for the wekend so it should be easy to stay on target.

Tonight we were a much smaller group at our workout.  There were quite a few people missing so I hope I get to see them one last time on Thursday at our final workout.  Having a smaller group made us easier targets for the trainer to push us extra hard.  Pedro is a very focused trainer and I always find his workouts to be intense, but tonight was absolutely brutal!  I was sure I was going to be sick to my stomch tonight, that's how hard we worked.

We did about 4 different workout routines all back-to-back!  We started out with a nasty cardio "warm-up".  Then we went inside for a fitness test (more on that in a bit).  That was followed by being divided into pairs and groups where we did a circuit of medicine ball slams, weighted balls against a wall and pushing the "sleigh" (a steel frame with two 45kg weights on it).  We had to push the sleigh 100 meters (50 x2) across the parking lot in pairs.  Luckily one of the awesome friends I've made in the program has been my saviour.  She paired with me even knowing I'm, what I call, the weak link.  I pushed so hard and as fast as I could!  When we'd hit some rocks and get stuck a moment she would push even harder and even push my side as well as hers to get us going again, without getting upset with me.  She is such a great friend and teammate!  After that circuit we went inside to "play a game".  Let me just say, it wasn't a fun game.  It's was alot like hot potato but sitting in a "v" for an ab workout and the "potato" weighed about 15-20 lbs!

Now to explain the fitness test...

Around our second week of Biggest Loser Ottawa we did a fitness test.  We had to do 100 each of sit-ups, squats, inverted rows and push-ups.  I do a slightly modified version of the inverted rows, crunches rather than full sit-ups and my push-ups are still on the wall rather than the floor.  These modifications are done because of my joints (except for the crunches which are just because full sit-ups are too difficult with a belly in the way)!  We can do the exercises in any order and as many reps as we choose.  We simply have to complete 100 of each by the end.  This is all done while we are timed. My initial time was 19 minutes and 50 seconds a couple of months ago and at that point I was one of the first to finish.  Tonight we did it as a comparison to see how far we have come from where we were.  My time tonight was exactly 13 minutes!  I shaved almost 8 minutes off of my time.  Amazing!

I feel amazing because we had such an intense workout.  It makes me feel better about my final weigh-in coming up.  However, for the first time since starting the program, I feel like I overdid it tonight.  My joints were very sore and flaring before walking into the gym.  I often feel stiff and worse on Monday nights or Tuesday mornings because that is the longest time I go without a workout.  Tonight though, I feel worse now than when I walked into the gym.  There is a difference between good sore and bad sore.  Yes, I have some "good sore" but I also have the "bad sore".  I am having trouble lifting my arms because of my shoulders.  I am having trouble straightening my right arm because of my elbow.  My fingers are stiff and swollen.  My feet and knees are hot and painful.  To explain it better, if things don't improve tonight I may not be able to brush my own hair in the morning or I may have trouble dressing myself.  Hopefully things will improve after I get some rest.

I also did one other thing tonight...I recorded my video for the voting to get into Biggest Loser Ottawa #3.  The voting will begin next week!  I've been told that voting may begin on Monday so keep your eyes and ears open.  Without winning this time, I would be lost!  I have so far to go mentally and physically.  I will need your help to get literally hundreds of votes.  You have all been so amazing.  The feedback I have received about my journey has been so overwhelming.  I will post the link as soon as it is available online...

Goodnight and God bless!

A Step in the Wrong Direction But...

Welcome to another Tuesday!  Only two weeks left of Biggest Loser Ottawa #2 and tonight, for the first time since the beginning, I took a step in the wrong direction.  When I stepped on the scale tonight, it told me that I had gained over 2 lbs.  Gained??  Gained!

I am very disapointed and frustrated because I was doing SO well.  I had little things here and there this week that I shouldn't have had and I haven't been cooking up my dinners for the week in advance.  Clearly this has had a major effect on my outcome this week so it's time to regroup.

While I am very down about my current results, I have decided not to stay down.  I have decided that this has only made me MORE determined to be as strict on my meal plan for the remainder of the program as I was during the first week.  I need to find the time over the next couple of days to look back over my meal plan.  I need to pre-plan and make my meal decisions in advance even if I'm not able to make every meal in advance.  I need to go back to measuring everything out and I need to focus more on my water intake because that has been lacking lately (even though I absolutely LOVE water). 

I also need to go back to my Sunday cooking dates wth my mom.  That was such a great time to bond with one of my two best friends (the other is my sister), who also happens to be my number one fan!  My mom is so supportve and cooking my dinners for the week with her was something that we could do together.  After hours of cooking I would sit down and enjoy one of the healthy meals with my parents, daughter and husband.  Real, old fashioned family time.  Sundays are definitely my favorite day of the week when we have time to enjoy each other's company like that!

Having gone back to work this week after being off for a month, I know that I will have less temptation to cheat.  I eat both breakfast and lunch at work so if I don't bring anything I shouldn't eat, I won't eat anything I shouldn't eat.  That's pretty simple math if you ask me (0+0=0)!!!  It helps that my colleagues are extremely supportive and trying to eat well as well.  We simply tell others not to leave treats in the office (or we give it to someone else) so it is out of our sight and we can't be tempted.  We really do make a great team and support system for each other.

Now a bit about our workouts.  I enjoyed our workout tonight because I like when we do the exercises as a group, all at the same time, even if they are different intensities.  It just feels more supprtive for some reason.  It was a difficult workout with Justin today and I'm still on the fence about whether I enjoy him as a trainer.  Don't get me wrong, he is VERY good but I'm really discovering how every trainer is different in their own way and some are just a better fit for different people.  For example my husband finds Justin's workouts to be his favorite and he uses all of the same trainers I do, but I find that I get my best workouts with Adrian.  I like the fact that Justin's workouts are difficult and push us, but I find them much harder on my joints because they use a lot of weights (which my husband loves).  I have to make a lot more modifications during Justin's sessions. 

I walked into the session tonight wih a rheumatoid nodule on my thumb and sore fingers, only to discover that we were again using hand-held weights for the full hour.  By the end of our session I was having trouble walking because I could feel the joitns in my toes flaring and nodules beginning in them.  The best way I can describe that feeling is that it feels like walking with marbles glued to the balls of your feet.  I really didn't want to show it though or to say anything because I didn't want to have to stop my workout.  Now that I am home my finger joints are stiff, sore, swollen and forming more nodules.  When the nodules are visible they look and feel like little grains of hard white rice under the skin, most commonly near the joints or in the pads of my fingertips and toes. 

Even with the weight gain this week and my RA flaring a bit more each day, I am more determined than ever to bring in big numbers over the next two weeks and hit my current goal by our final weigh-in.  I am determined to be really focused and to shock everyone with the final number on September 4th!  IF I can manage, no wait...I WILL manage...to even pass my goal, just watch me!

Nearing the End in More Ways Than One

We are now over 10 weeks into the Biggest Loser Ottawa 2 program.  As we get closer to the end I stuggle to maintin the level of fitness and confidence that I have gained through the program.  My rheumatoid arthritis has begun to flare as I am also nearing my next infusions.  I cannot lift weights as heavy as I had worked up to and I feel like I am working backwards instead of forwards.  I have done so well at conquering the voices in my head that tell me "I can't" and "I'll try" but now find they are returning.  I am fighting to keep replacing them with "I will" and do so by reminding myself that nothing is impossible because "I'M POSSIBLE"!  I WILL continue to push towards my goals and I WILL finish this with a bang.  I refuse to let this disease beat me, I WILL win this battle!

On September 4th, about a week after the program is done, I will be getting my medication again.  Yes, I am excited and thankful but I am also very nervous.  Going for my medication is a very long, tedious process which is sometimes quite painful.  Not only do they infuse the Rituxan, but I also must have a high dose of Predisone via IV immediately before it to help with the pain.  I will also be given extra strength Advil, Gravol to ease the nausea and Benedryl to help fend off potential allergic reactions.  They also have 9 other prescriptions standing by, ready to be filled on the spot if I have side effects that need to be managed in an emergency.  During my first infusion it took 1.5 hours, 7 tries and a few tears to get the IV in.  They had to stop my infusion twice: once to infuse Gravol to curb the severe nausea and the second time as an emergency to infuse Benedryl when my throat started to close during an allergic reation.  Every time they stop the Rituxan my joints start to burn and ache.  My first trip took over 6 hours and my second one was over 5.  It's an all day event that requires someone to come with me, sit by my side while I sleep, monitor me if needed and drive me home after.

I do not go into my infusions without risk, but my alternative is worse and I am not willing to take that chance!  Many people think it's crazy to need chemotherapy for RA, but it's very common in moderate and severe cases and I have failed the other drugs.  What many people don't know is that RA can also affect the internal organs including the outer wall of the heart, muscle of the heart, the lungs, blood vessels, the spine, the eyes etc if it is not kept under control by medication.  This medication is at least less frequent than some of the others but it is a rather high dose.  Without this, my future would be very dim.  When my disease is in a full flare I cannot brush my own hair or dress myself, I cannot roll over in bed or play wih my daughter.

One of the big reasons I look forward to getting my medication is because I'm looking forward to participating in Biggest Loser Ottawa 3!!  Without my medication I would continue to go downhill and no longer be able to participate in the program.  I will get the refill of my superpowers the week before the next Biggest Loser is set to start, so I will be ready to go full speed ahead into the next leg of my journey.  I heard it called "getting our superpowers" once by an amazing mother and her very young daughter who both have RA (the daughter was diagnosed at 2 years old) and I believe it's a very fitting description!  Even with the superowers full, I will still need your hep to participate! I will need all of you and everyone you know to vote for me once my video is posted.  By doing so, I can win my spot into the program for free and as many of you may remember, I cannot afford the program on my own.  It will be with your help that my journey will be able to continue!

As for the moment, I would like to fill you in on just how far I have come.  Before this program started I weighed 306.6 lbs and as of yesterday I now weigh 272 lbs!  That is a total loss of 34.6 lbs which is a whole 11.29% of my starting weight!  All of your support is what has helped to keep me going regardless of how difficult this road has been for me.  My journey is not over yet and I cannot wait to see how far this takes me!  Having lost another 5 lbs this week (my largest drop since my second week) it has now bumped me into second place in the program and I plan to finish it with a BANG!

I will be sure to update you when it's time to start voting for Biggest Loser Ottawa 3...

Lessons Learned

Last week I went away on vacation with my family.  We took a trip to the mountains in Quebec to visit St. Anne-de-Beaupre.  The landscape was absolutely beautiful and gave us some amazing memories.  We went whale watching in Baie St. Catherine, got to visit one of the oldest Catholic Basilicas in Northa America (which was stunning), toured Quebec City, took a gondola up Mont St. Anne where we took a hike for a couple of kilometers at the top of the mountain, visited the local aquarium and we even got to see Amaluna (a Cirque du Soleil show)! 

Our resort was nestled about 3 minutes from the base of Mont St. Anne so the view from our balcony was of the gorgeous mountain and we got to watch the sun set behind the mountain every night.  There was an outdoor pool that we enjoyed every day because the weather was beautiful, hot and sunny every single day we were there.  It was a fabulous vacation full of sweet memories and wonderful photos to help preserve them (including my 5 year old daughter learning to swim without a floatation device)! 

I will cherish my memories of that vacation for a long time but going away for a week has taught me several vaulable lessons on my journey:

1.  I cannot go a week without going to the gym.  Even if I am walking a lot, that's just not enoug to keep my body moving and keep myself in shape.

2.  Going a week without training allowed my RA to begin to flare.  This has resultd in pain, stiffness and extrme fatigue.  It may now take me several weeks to recover.

3.  Eating (and drinking) things that are not on the plan allows for temporary satisfaction but long-term suffering!  Not only did I end up feeling guilty for indulging, I also ended up feeling physically ill because my stomach was very unsettled.  Even though I am home, I am still having trouble getting it to settle even though I'm back on the plan.  It could take me days to weeks to get back to feeling normal again.

4.  Indulging for a week makes it hard to get back on the plan again.  I am craving things again which I had stopped craving ages ago.  Turns out having sugar just makes you crave more sugar.  Having salt just makes you crave more salt.  I'm looking forward to leaving my cravings behind.

5.  The thought that my journey may end in a few weeks terrifies me more than ever!  I am not ready to do this on my own without guidance.  I have come so far but as my body has quickly reminded me, I still have so far to go.  I will need help from every one I know and every one that they know so that I can win enough votes to stay in this program for another 3 months.  Hopefully we all know enough people!

While I was away last week I missed our weigh-in and measurements.  Because I indulged on vacation the thought of weighing in tonight made me feel sick to my stomache.  My allergies and RA are flaring, my stomache feels awful and the workout was going to be tough.  I felt like I was starting back at square one when I walked in to the gym today.  Only a week away from the gym and I was already having trouble keeping up with the intensity level of the workout.  By the time weigh-ins came I just wanted to get it over with.  I knew that I was so close to getting into the 270's two weeks ago but I knew that anthing that started with a "27" this week would take a miracle.  I watched the scale as it jumped around through the 270's and climbed.  I almost screamed when it stopped at 277!  I lost another 3.4 lbs giving me a total loss to date of 29.6 lbs (9.65%)!! 

I went into the gym feeling terrible but left there feeling better than I ever imagined I could.  I also left there thanking my lucky stars that we at least did a lot of walking and swimming on vacation.  More importantly, I've learned my lesson...to stay on plan and keep moving!!!

Changing Perspectives

I've felt a little bit like I've been slacking off lately which is partly because I haven't updated my blog in a week, partly because I haven't been filling out my food journal and mostly because I've had the urge to snack.  I had misplaced my food log but then when it was found, I just didn't seem to get back into keeping it up to date.  Well tonight I got back into it which should help with the snacking too.

I have been feeling very big urges to snack this weekend and I was feeling very guilty because I gave in to some of it.  The guilt about what I sack on now compared to what I used to are completely different and I needed to gain a new perspective on that.  I feel guilty when I give in and snack just like I used to feel.  The difference is that I used to feel guilty because I would eat a whole bag of chips when no one was looking!  Now when I say that I feel guilty because I gave in, it's because I had something not specifically on my plan but that doesn't mean I had a chocolate bar.  Instead of sweets, I gave in to an urge and had half of my daughter's peanut butter and jam sandwhich.  But let's put that into perspetive why don't we?  That sandwhich was made with whole wheat bread, homemade strawberry jam (a gift from a coworker) and the peanut butter was natural but sweetened with honey.  That is such a long way from a bag of chips or a bowl of ice cream!

Some of my other "cheats" that made me feel super guilty were one of my daughter's cheddar cheese strings (I was really craving cheese), having fruit all by itself as a snack in the afternoon rather than coupled with protein, and half a dozen organic multi-grain crackers with hummus!  I can't believe these items actually leave me feeling guily now considering I ate them in the past as something healthy.  Regardless of how healthy these were and how infrequent they were, they left me feeling terrible about my weigh-in tonight.

For the past couple of days I've been feeling rather "blah" and I thought it was because I "over indulged".  Yes, maybe I had a couple of things that weren't "on plan" or at the right time of the day, but they really were rather healthy.  I really didn't eat bad enough to be feeling this way so what else could it possibly be that was making me feel so terrible mentally?  I finally found the answer because I've noticed a pattern that I really do feel aweful every Tuesday.  The amount of time between my workouts on Saturday mornings and my workouts on Tuesday nights is twice the length of time between any of my other workouts!  By Tuesday morning I'm feeling lazy, larger and like I've failed when really I'm still right on track, just missing my workoutts.  I never in a million years thought that I would ever MISS working out!  Perhaps it's time to start considering adding in a workout of my own on Sundays...

Regardless of how much I was dreading the weigh-in tonight and thought that I had fallen off of the wagon, the scale tells the real story.  I stepped onto the sale and I swear my eyes almost fell out of my head and I most definitely did the happy dance!  I lost another 3.6 lbs this week to make for a total of 26.2 lbs in 6 weeks, which is 8.55% of my total starting weight!!! 

Clearly my little urges were controlled by what I decided to cheat with.  I made better choices than I ever would have in the past and still felt guilty.  I won't allow myself to do it often, but now I know that I can trust myself to make good decisions.  Little healthy alternatives can keep me going without going off track.  It's all about how you look at it and thanks to the scale, I am more confident in my choices.  I am now realizing how much my lifestyle has changed already and I'm able to look at things with a different perspective now.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not immune to pizza or ice cream but it sure is easier to resist if I fill up on healthy food.  I now weigh the guilt of eating those things I used to eat compared to the pleasure of eating them.  It's just not worth the guilt considering how healthy things can conjure up enough guilt now on their own!

Thirty and Fabulous!

According to what I have read, at thirty you are flirty, dirty and nerdy but most of all...fabulous!  So yes, I think thirty may really be the new twenty and I am finally feeling like in time I may be able to accept that I am now thirty.

Yesterday was my thirtieth birthday and it was wonderful.  I treated myself off-plan at a lunch date with my parents, sister, daughter and nephew.  Then I went to see a chick-flick with my amazing sister (child-free)!  All of that was followed up but yet another Biggest Loser training session, weigh-ins and measurements.

For the first time ever, I had the chance to train with Pedro.  I was feeling very frustrated at the beginning and not sure I would like his style.  I eventually settled in and had one of the most intense workouts since starting the program.  Pedro is like a machine, there really is no stopping for water, to ease the pain or to breathe!  My only frustration by the end was that with the sets of exercises he gave us, he didn't seem to leave enough time for us to complete them all (which I really wanted to be able to accomplish).  I felt a bit rushed from one set to the next.  Pedro has been training for an ironman so clearly he is used to doing everything much quicker than most of us!  I managed to get most of the exercises in and I am very proud of that accomplishment.

After the workout we had to weigh-in.  Because I had a few treats on Sunday and yesterday, I was not expecting much on the scale.  I figured I would just be lucky if it didn't go up!  I was completely blown away when I realized I had lost another 3.4 lbs. That brings me to a total weight loss of 22.6 lbs (which is 7.37% of my total starting weight) in just 5 weeks.  That has bumped me back into 4th place after falling into 6th place two weeks ago!

We finished off the session with measurements and I have taken back my title as the one having lost the most inches to date...43.75 inches.  I am so pleased, and so are my clothes!  It really was the icing on my birthday cake!!

After our session I stayed for an info session about the next Biggest Loser Ottawa #3.  I am applying again because my goal is to lose 150 lbs and I still have a long way to go.  If I am accepted, I will really need all of your help again to try and win my spot based on votes on my video.  When that becomes available I will let you know so that you and everyone you know can begin voting!  The person who won this time had well over 600 votes and I had just over 400.  But this time I will hopefully have a bit more time to aquire the votes to win! 

Tonight was an amazing night out at a restaurant and we got to go in style via limosine!  We learned lots of great tips and tricks for eating out and had a delicious, healthy meal.  The best part was the company I was in.  We had so much fun laughing and a great time was had by all.  I even got to try out both limos because I hitched a ride one way with half of the group and then hopped in the other one our way back.  Everyone is so much fun and I will genuinly miss all of these precious moments in a few months.  But, I believe, many of these friendships will be here to stay so we can continue to drive each other crazy and push each other until we all reach our goals. 

Here is a photo of one of the limos (they were twins).  I know several people took photos of all of us throughout the night so when I get a few I will share them with you!

Stay tuned because this leg of my journey is only half over.  I still have 6 more weeks to go, a make-over in my near future and a whole new journey ahead.

Goodnight and God bless!

I Am Blessed

I had a long and wonderful weekend this weekend.  I spent most of Friday relaxing and getting caught up on some well needed rest.  Of course, that rest pretty much went out the window after another brutal workout Saturday morning with Chantalle...

Our training session on Saturday consisted of what Chantalle called her "Butt & Gut" workout.  Yes, it was as awful as it sounds!  By the time we were done the crunches, lifts, planks, etc I didn't think I'd ever be able to peel myself off of that mat again.  Miraculously, I managed to but only because I had plans on Sunday that I didn't want to cancel! 

Yesterday was my day for celebration and fun!  I spent some well deserved time with family and friends to celebrate my upcoming birthday.  It was more than I ever could have asked for.  For the most part I stayed on plan very well because I had given my mother my requests for dinner and dessert, both of which were recipes on my plan.  Everyone loved the ginger-honey chicken, spicy spaghetti squash and double fudge brownies (made with black beans).  Who knew healthy eating could taste so good?!  Kathy Smart did!

I'm not going to pretend that I was perfect though because I did have a snack in the afternoon of hummus on grain crackers (on plan) and bruchetta on garlic crackers (not on plan).  The treat was wonderful and it may have been more than I should have had, but it was less than I would have had!  My other cheat (which I decided I very much deserved) was a couple of my favorite beverages.  Let me tell you, they taste even better when you know you shouldn't be having them!  All in all, I think it was a very successful day considering that I could have really blown it.  The weigh-in tomorrow may not be as great as I'd like, but I'm okay with it this week because I'll make up for it next week.

Now, onto my other news...

A year ago, after my sister went to Las Vegas for her 30th birthday and I heard about a few of my other friends doing the same, I decided I needed to make a plan for myself.  I knew there was no way I'd manage to fly to Vegas for mine but I wanted to do something exciting.  I told my mother what I wanted to do for my 30th birthday and as it turns out, she was the only person in my family who had any interest in doing it with me.  As time crept closer the possibility seemed to vanish but I was hoping I could still do something I'd remember for a long time. 

Yesterday as I was opening my birthday presents, I received some really amazing, and very touching gifts: a new wardrobe (now that my old one doesn't seem to fit!), a gorgeous leather bench to help me climb into my new bed (unfortunately this new plan hasn't helped me grow any taller), and a donation to the International Autoimmune Arthritis Movement in my name (which helps to educate people about the difference between autoimmune arthritis and the arthritis most people think of).  Those were incredible and I really couldn't have asked for better, more thoughtful gifts. 

Then I opened the gift from my parents and I began to cry.  I was speechless.  It was a piece of paper telling me that beyond my wildest dreams, my 30th birthday wish is coming true.  I'm going up in a hot air balloon, for a sunset champagne flight, with my mom!!!  It was originally planned for the trip to fall exactly on my birthday, but then The Biggest Loser happened.  With the training, weigh-ins and measurements all happening tomorrow there was no way they could make the ride happen too.  So instead the trip is planned for next Monday, the first official day of my summer vacation.  I cannot imagine a better way to celebrate the start of summer, my journey, or my 30th birthday!  This is going to be a summer that I will never forget.

May God bless each of you as He has blessed me.

Win or Lose

Last night we had a big challenge.  Now by challenge, I mean a competition or "fitness challenge".  We knew it was coming but really didn't know what to expect.   We were devided into groups of 3 or 4 and given a list of exercises.  I think our group was the wackiest of the bunch and we like to joke and have a good time.  These girls really make workouts fun and I enjoy spending time with them.  We had to give our group a name and as usual we were being silly so we called ourselves the "Play Doh's" (and yes, I spelled doh right because it was in reference to the Simpsons and how we felt when hearing about the challenge)! 

Each exercise was worth a number of points.  The goal for each group was to hit 1000 points by the time our hour was over.  Here is an example of a few of the exercises:
20 shoulder presses = 5 points
100 jumping jacks = 15 points
1 minute plank = 20 points (FYI: that one really sucks!!!)
1 lap jog, run, or walk around the building = 25 points (the weather was also in the high 30's yesterday which made it worse)

Our team collectively managed to do a total of 1105 points!!  Unfortunately we didn't win because two other teams were around 1400 points (they were stronger runners so they mostly did the laps around the building over and over again).  The winning team won kitchen raids where our trainer and nutritionist will invade their kitchens and go through their cupboards.  It would have been nice to win but not everything is all about the competition.  Our team may not have won the prize but I am so proud of what we accomplished! 

Last night I finally started to see the difference in how quickly I can move now and I am definitely getting stronger and more flexible.  Over the past week or so I've started to notice some of my flexibility coming back.  One of our stretches after every workout is stretching our thigh by bending our knee and grabbing our foot from behind.  I do not have great balance yet so I still hold onto the wall but I'm okay with that.  I have progressed from grabbing the bottom of my pant leg, to grabbing the back of shoe, to the bottom edge of my shoe.  Last night, for the first time in many years, I was able to grab my ankle on both sides and even managed to do it with ease!

On top of the ability to move faster, I'm stronger.  I can lift and move things without worrying about my RA flaring like it used to.  I am also starting to feel like the old me again.  I am singing more.  I can't help but dance when I hear music.  For those who didn't know me before my illness, I used to sing and dance in public.  I was a performer and I loved it.  It was my life. 

My medical issues have caused me a lot of physical and emotional pain and until recently, even took away my ability to sing.  Just as my voice started to come back earlier this year, I got sick again, developed laryngitis and my throat had trouble healing.  This week, I've discovered that my voice is back and I think it might finally be here to stay!  I smile a lot more now and I am happy.  It has been a long time since I've been able to say for certain that "I AM HAPPY".  There has always been a "but" or a "sort of" to go along with it.  I knew this program would do me a lot of good, but the affect it has had on every aspect of my life has been such a great surprise.  Every time I look in the mirror, I start to recognize myself a little bit more as the weight comes off.  For too many years now there has been a stranger looking back at me, but now I see Laura looking back at me and she is so ready to come out of hiding!

Compeition or not, 1st place or 19th, I will come out of this a winner.

Goodnight and God bless.

Full Speed Ahead

Well, after my last post about the struggles I've been facing, it's time to dive into an update on my training and tonight's weigh-in!

I had a very intense make up session on Friday with Adrian and two other team members.  I was so sore all weekend from it that everytime I raised my arms to reach for something or to stretch, I had no choice but to think of Adrian.  I think he does that on purpose!  I still feel some of the burn in my triceps depending on how I stretch and I have no doubt that is Adrian's fault!  Chantal also had us doing a very intensive upperbody work out on Saturday morning and I'm so glad that is over.  Doing the arms two days in a row was exhausting.

Tonight we trained with another trainer, Christie.  She kept us very busy and working as a team.  It was different, fun and a great workout.  I'm exhausted again!  But the part I was kind of dreading after last week was the weigh-in.  It went so terribly on Thursday night that I wasn't expecting much today (specially being that it was only 5 days instead of a full week).  Well, I surprised myself...

I have lost another 4 lbs since Thursday!  I am so pleased.  I really needed that extra boost and I feel great!  I have now lost a total of 19.2 lbs, which is 6.26% of my total body weight, in only 4 weeks.  This program is amazing and I know that I could never do this on my own.  Being a part of the program helps me to remain accountable and I am so grateful to my donor for giving me this chance.  I officially weigh less than I have in over a year.

We have several fun events planned for the Biggest Loser group over the next 2 weeks.  Tomorrow night is a food prep course and Thursday at training we will be separated into groups and will be having a challenge to win kitchen raids (I really could use that to get my family on track with me).  Next week on Tuesday we will have our weigh-ins and measurements and then next Wednesday we have an amazing night out in a limo to a surprise location where we will learn how to order healthy at a restaurant.  I can't wait!  I think I'd better buy a new outfit though...

Two weeks ago when we did our first trip to Green's Creek hill, I had mentioned that we took a group photo.  I finally have it so I thought I would include it tonight.  We've all come so far even since then and look different already.  I'll try to get some updated training photos of myself for a post in the near future.

Goodnight and God bless.

Where Do I Begin?

I have so much to say today that I have decided to do it in two entries.  This first entry is to fill all of you in on some of the disappointing news I received this week.  It's been a rough couple of days with my rheumatoid arthritis and I feel it is important to pour some light on that separately.

Yesterday I went to see my doctor about the fact that I have been having a lot of dizzy spells for the past 2 months.  The most concerning part is that two of them were so massive that I almost passed out and I was very scared.  My doctor is going to look into the possibility that these have been caused by my Rituxan (the chemotherapy used to treat my RA).  After doing some of my own research online, it seems as though this may be the case.  Dizziness is a potential serious side effect that can show up within weeks to months after the last infusion and requires immediate medical attention.  If this IS the case, I will likely need to start looking into new treatment options.  I have finally started to see what life can be like when a medication starts to work (after failing several other serious medications) so it will be heartbreaking and disabling to start over again.  I pray that I don't have to start back at square one but it is a very real possibility that I may lose my mobility again for months to years until we find the right medication.

The other part of all of this is that if it is not the medication (and even if it is), I may need to see a neurologist.  It puts extra strain in trying to get to where I need to be (including my training sessions and appointments if my husband is working) because I've decided not to drive for a while, but I have an amazingly supportive family who have agreed to help out whenever they can.

On top of this news, I finally got in touch with my rheumatologist today because I hadn't heard yet when my follow-up appointment would be.  Usually when you start a new medication, he will see you every 3-6 months to ensure that things are going smoothly with no major side effects or problems (and to ensure that the medication is working).  My next infusion should also be scheduled around the 6-month mark.  I last saw him in January and my infusions were in February.  Today when I called, I was informed that I didn't have an appointment booked until late January!
Needless to say, I had very disappointing news over the past couple of days.  However, I am persistent and I they managed to squeeze due to a cancellation, so I see my rheumatologist in two and a half weeks.  Now hopefully I will be able to get some answers.

After all of this negativity, I was ready for something good to happen...and it did.  A few things happened.  One of them is that as soon as I got home tonight, I had a package in the mail from the Arthritis Foundation in the states with 10 "Cure Athritis" bracelets!  They shipped to me for free and they said they would send more if I need them.  I am wearing it with great pride! 

Then biggest news is that a few weeks back, the Arthritis Society of Canada contacted me after I had met several members while working as a volunteer during our Walk to Fight Arthritis in June.  They told me that they were wanting to send out a letter to potential donors as they do every year.  They always highlight someone's story and they felt that mine needed to be told.  They asked me if I would be willing to share it and of course, I agreed.  I sent them a copy of a speech I did in April and told them that they could use any part of my story for their campaign.  This afternoon I received a phone call letting me know that their letter was complete and that they were emailing it to me to approve and make changes.  I made no changes.  It was perfect.  I couldn't believe it when I read it.  The whole letter is all about my story and how it relates to others, the national stats and how people can help those like me.  I am so moved and humbled.  If telling others my story can help to make a difference for others with arthritis, then it is worth every struggle.  I finally feel like getting this disease has happened for a reason. 

Even through all of the struggle this week, I was feeling very down but thanks to this whole journey with Biggest Loser, I have learned how to get back up again.  Not so long ago news like this would have made it hard to get back up and keep pushing.  Today when I called my mother in a good mood, she told me that she has seen a 180' change in me since I started this program.  Adrian was very smart in naming his gym 180' Fitness...

For those who are interested in reading my full story, below is the speech that I submitted to the Arthritis Society:

Imagine owning your first house; planting your gardens that first spring.  The good aches that follow, a sign that you’ve worked hard and can be proud.  Now imagine if that pain stayed…forever.

In May 2009, that’s exactly how my life was turned upside down.  In July 2009, about a week shy of my 27^th birthday, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis.  RA is an auto-immune disease caused by my immune system attacking my healthy joints.

I spent the next six months in shock and fighting to hold off depression, so that Christmas we decided to fly south to visit family, but everything went downhill.  By the time we landed in Toronto to catch our connection, I couldn’t lift my own purse.  I spent the next four weeks in the Caribbean in bed sleeping and in extreme pain.  While on vacation, my sister called to inform me that on Christmas Eve she had also been diagnosed with RA.  I will never forget that moment as I was lying painfully in bed.  At that moment, my heart hurt more than my body did.

Eight months later, after watching and knowing the signs, we were not surprised but still stunned when our father was also diagnosed with RA.  Three of us in fifteen months.  That is a lot for one family to handle and I worry every day about passing it on to my daughter.

After my trip, I began a more aggressive treatment involving weekly injections.  I responded quickly to the medication and I knew exactly what I wanted to do to celebrate the first day I felt a lot better…I picked up my three-year-old, for the first time in six months.

Unfortunately for me, the medications seem to stop working almost as quickly as they start.  Thanks to work by organizations like the Arthritis Society, I’ve been able to try several medications as there are many to choose from.  However, my medications cost over $20,000 per year.  I am blessed to still be working full-time with wonderful insurance to cover the costs, but not everyone is so lucky.

I am now 3 years into my disease and I have failed four drugs from three drug categories.  I am now on chemotherapy infusions and continue to hold out hope that they will work.  In the meantime, I have learned to swallow my pride and to ask for help.  I have learned that I’m stronger than I ever imagine I could be and that my pain threshold grows with my disease.  I’ve learned how to appreciate the little things like being able to brush my own hair or get myself dressed in the morning because I sure miss them on the days that I can’t.  But even more, I’ve learned that support – from family friends and the special people at the Arthritis Society – that is what keeps me hopeful and helps me get out of bed every day.  If we continue to work together, we will one day find a cure and I will one day be pain-free.