The Big Day

Well, today is the day that I have been waiting for.  It's been months in the making but today was the final weigh-in, first day of school and my infusion.  I started my day by getting my daughter off to school and then cried the whole way to the gym!  My baby started kindergarten and no matter how prepared I thought I was, nothing prepared me for the emtional avalanch of her rushing to the bus and forgetting to kiss her goodbye.  I was such a mess!  Please be patient with me a moment because this proud mama has to share a couple of photos with you!  Keilana looks so grown up (she's only 5 and a half) until you see how tiny she is next to a bus!

After my weigh-in I went directly to my infusion.  I was there for 5 hours having more drugs pumped into me than the average person has in a lifetime.  I had two extra-strength Tylenol, one extra strength Gravol tablet (which didn't curb the nausea for the first hour so I needed a cold cloth to help), 100 mg Prednisone via IV (a steroid that causes my heart to race in the evening and headaches for a few days afterwards...the maximum I have in one day for the pain during a bad flare is 20mg), 50 mg Benedryl via IV (to fend off potential reactions like when my throat sarted to close during my first infusion), and 1000 mg Rituxan (a high dose of chemo). 

I am pleased to announce that other than some nausea we had no problems this time.  They even got the IV in on the first try (there's first time for everything)!  I will be back at work tomorrow and will only need Advil to fend off the headaches as much as possible.  In two weeks I have to repeat this whole proces but since it went so smotthly this time, I am less anxious about it.  Here are a couple photos of the side of arthritis that most people never see (a big reason why advocacy and awareness are such a big focus for those of us with autoimmune arthritis).  This is how I spent most of my day:

When I got to the gym this morning I was prepared, complete with wardrobe changes.  I'm such a dork!  They likely didn't have much effect on my results, but it's a mental thing.  I wore a dress for the weigh-in because it was light-weight.  I wore my exercise gear for the measurements because it was more fitted and no fabric would get in the way (plus it's the same clothes I've used for all of my measurements).  Then for my "after" photo I wore something more flattering because there is no way I'm letting them use a photo of me in my flaw-hugging workout clothes!  Yes, I have been open and have posted some of the most unflattering photos of myself in this blog, but that is because I was showing the hard work, not trying to look cute.  If I'm going to show how much better I look now, it only makes sense to wear something that looks good, right?!

My results from Biggest Loser Ottawa 2 are as follows:  5th Place (was in 4th but they made a mistake with one of the other women's numbers so I got bumped a notch)!!!
-38.2 lbs
-46.5inches
-12.46% body weight
Fitness Evaluation –19mins 50sec droped to 13mins flat

My goal was to lose at least 40 pounds and I was SO close!  Even though I am slightly disappointed, I am more proud of myself than anything.  I accomplised so much.  I started the pogram a week late and fought a battle with rheumatoid arthritis throughout the program.  I walked with a cane just one week before starting the program and now I can jog.  There are no words to explain how great this feels!  Biggest Loser Ottawa 3 is now set to begin on September 18th, the same day as my next infusion. I believe the videos for voting will be posted next week (everything has been delayed a week).  Assuming all goes well with my infusion, I will be going to that first workout at least to watch even if I cannot do anything.  I may look a little grey, but I figure that will make for an awesome before photo, right?!

So here we have it, before and after photos showing my fabulous results.  Once the official before and after photos from Biggest Loser Ottawa 2 are available, I will post those for you too.  For now I have photos of me wearing the same shirt, same size, in two different colours.  You can clearly see how differently it fits now.  The pants in the after photo are also two sizes smaller!

             1 year ago - approx. 306.6 lbs                                                    Week 10 - 274.4 lbs                
                   August 2011                                                                 August 2012  (now 268.4 lbs!!!)

                           



Nothing is impossible.  Live your life to the fullest and make your dreams come true!

Goodnight and GOD BLESS!!!

Making It Count

Where do I even begin?!  Tonight was our final regular group workout.  It was the most intense workout yet and it was worth every second. We were all asked to bring a backpack and towels, then meet Adrian at the bottom of a hill.  We were all worried that Adrian would make us carry the weight that we had lost.  We've been told that it's supposed to feel empowering but we didn't think so!  We were just guessing at what was to come and I was feeling really intimiated.

The hill we were meeting at is where Adrian and Kathy took us on our night out in the limos.  That night we stopped half way up the hill and all got out to look at the horizon and reflect on how far we had come.  Tonight we met at the bottom and had to face our past.   Our backpacks were loaded up with weights amounting to how much we have lost over the course of Biggest Loser Ottawa #2.  I had a 16 kg kettle bell in the bottom of my bag.  We then had a long hike ahead of us up the entire hill.  People driving by were amazing and either honked or shouted out the window (or from their motorcycle) to show support!  The weight was very hard on the back because it was so heavy and would push into my back.  I had towels to pad it but they don't really stand up very well against that much weight.  A mattress on the other hand could have done a much better job!

I was the last person to make it to the top of the hill.  Normally I would have felt discouraged and disappointed but I didn't feel that at all.  I MADE IT!  That was all that mattered.  Many of my teammates came down the hill to meet up with me and offered motivational support.  I only stopped a couple of times for a few seconds to catch my breath.  Not only did I hardly stop, but I also didn't take my inhaler at all tonight.  I can't believe I did it on my own!  As I reached a couple of meters from the top, one of the women put her hand under my backpack to take some of the pressure off of my lower back and then helped me remove the backpack at the very top when I felt like I could barely move.  I cannot express how much everyone means to me.

After we got to the top of the hill, Adrian had us all remove our backpacks and walk futher across a flatter stretch of road.  What an amazing feeling.  He wanted to show us how that weight weighed us down before and how much easier it is now without the weight.  I felt like jelly but walking without that weight sure gave me a bounce in my step!  All of my thoughts about it not being a good idea were tossed out the window.  I feel so empowered now.  I am so glad that weight is gone and never coming back.  Tonight I said goodbye to that weight for good and then burried 6 feet under!

Our workout did not stop there.  We had to do kettlebell swings, push ups and plenty of additional walking.  Now that we were at the top of the hill we had to walk back down but this time without the backpacks.  A lighter back was good but the problem was that this time getting to the bottom only meant going back up again...pushing Adrian's TRUCK!  Yes, as a team we had to PUSH a pick-up truck UP a hill while it had all of our backpacks in it (which added another 400 + pounds to the weight of the truck)!!!

Adrian was careful and drove up the steapest incline so that we wouldn't get hurt.  It was hard but we make a great team.  My parents were there so that my mom could take some photos for me and without knowing, they became our target!  We had to push the truck up to where my father was parked on the side of the road.  Unfortunately my father didn't know that so as we got closer, he would inch forward a little bit.  Luckily, I convinced my mom to run and tell my dad to stop moving!  They did get some amazing photos though. 

After having carried our weight, moving a truck, and walking a couple of kilometers uphill, of course we couldn't possibly be done yet.  We walked back down the hill and then we were loaded back up with the weights again.  To finish off our night we had to carry those backpacks down the road to where all of the cars were parked.  It was flatter but a bit of a distance.  It was such a great workout and I am absolutely exhausted now!  I feel like I could sleep for a week.  I wish I could convince the new Principal to implement nap time at the high school where I work!  I just have to get through one more crazy day at work.  Luckily we have a long weekend this weekend and then I have my infusion to look forward to.

Tuesday morning, right before my infusion, will be my final weigh-in.  I am hoping to make it into the top 3 but having gained some weight two weeks ago I got bumped into 5th place.  We won't know until Tuesday whether I manage to squeeze back up there.  Luckily, because it is a long weekend I am secretly hoping some of the others ahead of me cheat a bit!  I have no plans to go anywhere or do anything that could blow me off-track so I'm glad.  We have also been given the opportunity to participate in a Last Chance Workout on Monday night at Green's Creek (the dreaded tobogan hill from earlier in the program).  There is no way that I am missing out on that!  Not everyone can make it out that night so those of us who do definitely have a bit of an advantage.

On Tuesday we had our fitness test to compare where we started to where we are now.  Tonight we had to face that ugly past by carrying all of that weight all over again.  On Monday we will face our fears and take on Green's Creek one last time during this program.  I really hate that hill but I'm anxious to see what I can do now!

I still have a long way to go but I am very proud of how far I have come.  Take a look at some of my workout photos below to see what losing 35 lbs looks like:

Week 1                                                                           Today

Week 2                                                                           Today

I will be sure to post good "Before" and "After"photos next week after the final weigh in.  That way you can get the full effect!

Goodnight and God bless!!!

The Final Push

We are now only one week away from the final weigh-in.  There was no weigh-in tonight so we are essentially doing it blind for the last week.  I snuck in a weigh-in tonight at home on my Wii beause I've been worried.  I was not pleased with the number but my scale is off from the one at the gym.  I'm trying not to let it bother me and I won't step on it again.  I have got to push so hard right to the end.  My meals will be crutial this week because we only have one more workout left and a long holiday weekend this coming weekend.  Luckily I don't have any major plans for the wekend so it should be easy to stay on target.

Tonight we were a much smaller group at our workout.  There were quite a few people missing so I hope I get to see them one last time on Thursday at our final workout.  Having a smaller group made us easier targets for the trainer to push us extra hard.  Pedro is a very focused trainer and I always find his workouts to be intense, but tonight was absolutely brutal!  I was sure I was going to be sick to my stomch tonight, that's how hard we worked.

We did about 4 different workout routines all back-to-back!  We started out with a nasty cardio "warm-up".  Then we went inside for a fitness test (more on that in a bit).  That was followed by being divided into pairs and groups where we did a circuit of medicine ball slams, weighted balls against a wall and pushing the "sleigh" (a steel frame with two 45kg weights on it).  We had to push the sleigh 100 meters (50 x2) across the parking lot in pairs.  Luckily one of the awesome friends I've made in the program has been my saviour.  She paired with me even knowing I'm, what I call, the weak link.  I pushed so hard and as fast as I could!  When we'd hit some rocks and get stuck a moment she would push even harder and even push my side as well as hers to get us going again, without getting upset with me.  She is such a great friend and teammate!  After that circuit we went inside to "play a game".  Let me just say, it wasn't a fun game.  It's was alot like hot potato but sitting in a "v" for an ab workout and the "potato" weighed about 15-20 lbs!

Now to explain the fitness test...

Around our second week of Biggest Loser Ottawa we did a fitness test.  We had to do 100 each of sit-ups, squats, inverted rows and push-ups.  I do a slightly modified version of the inverted rows, crunches rather than full sit-ups and my push-ups are still on the wall rather than the floor.  These modifications are done because of my joints (except for the crunches which are just because full sit-ups are too difficult with a belly in the way)!  We can do the exercises in any order and as many reps as we choose.  We simply have to complete 100 of each by the end.  This is all done while we are timed. My initial time was 19 minutes and 50 seconds a couple of months ago and at that point I was one of the first to finish.  Tonight we did it as a comparison to see how far we have come from where we were.  My time tonight was exactly 13 minutes!  I shaved almost 8 minutes off of my time.  Amazing!

I feel amazing because we had such an intense workout.  It makes me feel better about my final weigh-in coming up.  However, for the first time since starting the program, I feel like I overdid it tonight.  My joints were very sore and flaring before walking into the gym.  I often feel stiff and worse on Monday nights or Tuesday mornings because that is the longest time I go without a workout.  Tonight though, I feel worse now than when I walked into the gym.  There is a difference between good sore and bad sore.  Yes, I have some "good sore" but I also have the "bad sore".  I am having trouble lifting my arms because of my shoulders.  I am having trouble straightening my right arm because of my elbow.  My fingers are stiff and swollen.  My feet and knees are hot and painful.  To explain it better, if things don't improve tonight I may not be able to brush my own hair in the morning or I may have trouble dressing myself.  Hopefully things will improve after I get some rest.

I also did one other thing tonight...I recorded my video for the voting to get into Biggest Loser Ottawa #3.  The voting will begin next week!  I've been told that voting may begin on Monday so keep your eyes and ears open.  Without winning this time, I would be lost!  I have so far to go mentally and physically.  I will need your help to get literally hundreds of votes.  You have all been so amazing.  The feedback I have received about my journey has been so overwhelming.  I will post the link as soon as it is available online...

Goodnight and God bless!

A Step in the Wrong Direction But...

Welcome to another Tuesday!  Only two weeks left of Biggest Loser Ottawa #2 and tonight, for the first time since the beginning, I took a step in the wrong direction.  When I stepped on the scale tonight, it told me that I had gained over 2 lbs.  Gained??  Gained!

I am very disapointed and frustrated because I was doing SO well.  I had little things here and there this week that I shouldn't have had and I haven't been cooking up my dinners for the week in advance.  Clearly this has had a major effect on my outcome this week so it's time to regroup.

While I am very down about my current results, I have decided not to stay down.  I have decided that this has only made me MORE determined to be as strict on my meal plan for the remainder of the program as I was during the first week.  I need to find the time over the next couple of days to look back over my meal plan.  I need to pre-plan and make my meal decisions in advance even if I'm not able to make every meal in advance.  I need to go back to measuring everything out and I need to focus more on my water intake because that has been lacking lately (even though I absolutely LOVE water). 

I also need to go back to my Sunday cooking dates wth my mom.  That was such a great time to bond with one of my two best friends (the other is my sister), who also happens to be my number one fan!  My mom is so supportve and cooking my dinners for the week with her was something that we could do together.  After hours of cooking I would sit down and enjoy one of the healthy meals with my parents, daughter and husband.  Real, old fashioned family time.  Sundays are definitely my favorite day of the week when we have time to enjoy each other's company like that!

Having gone back to work this week after being off for a month, I know that I will have less temptation to cheat.  I eat both breakfast and lunch at work so if I don't bring anything I shouldn't eat, I won't eat anything I shouldn't eat.  That's pretty simple math if you ask me (0+0=0)!!!  It helps that my colleagues are extremely supportive and trying to eat well as well.  We simply tell others not to leave treats in the office (or we give it to someone else) so it is out of our sight and we can't be tempted.  We really do make a great team and support system for each other.

Now a bit about our workouts.  I enjoyed our workout tonight because I like when we do the exercises as a group, all at the same time, even if they are different intensities.  It just feels more supprtive for some reason.  It was a difficult workout with Justin today and I'm still on the fence about whether I enjoy him as a trainer.  Don't get me wrong, he is VERY good but I'm really discovering how every trainer is different in their own way and some are just a better fit for different people.  For example my husband finds Justin's workouts to be his favorite and he uses all of the same trainers I do, but I find that I get my best workouts with Adrian.  I like the fact that Justin's workouts are difficult and push us, but I find them much harder on my joints because they use a lot of weights (which my husband loves).  I have to make a lot more modifications during Justin's sessions. 

I walked into the session tonight wih a rheumatoid nodule on my thumb and sore fingers, only to discover that we were again using hand-held weights for the full hour.  By the end of our session I was having trouble walking because I could feel the joitns in my toes flaring and nodules beginning in them.  The best way I can describe that feeling is that it feels like walking with marbles glued to the balls of your feet.  I really didn't want to show it though or to say anything because I didn't want to have to stop my workout.  Now that I am home my finger joints are stiff, sore, swollen and forming more nodules.  When the nodules are visible they look and feel like little grains of hard white rice under the skin, most commonly near the joints or in the pads of my fingertips and toes. 

Even with the weight gain this week and my RA flaring a bit more each day, I am more determined than ever to bring in big numbers over the next two weeks and hit my current goal by our final weigh-in.  I am determined to be really focused and to shock everyone with the final number on September 4th!  IF I can manage, no wait...I WILL manage...to even pass my goal, just watch me!

Nearing the End in More Ways Than One

We are now over 10 weeks into the Biggest Loser Ottawa 2 program.  As we get closer to the end I stuggle to maintin the level of fitness and confidence that I have gained through the program.  My rheumatoid arthritis has begun to flare as I am also nearing my next infusions.  I cannot lift weights as heavy as I had worked up to and I feel like I am working backwards instead of forwards.  I have done so well at conquering the voices in my head that tell me "I can't" and "I'll try" but now find they are returning.  I am fighting to keep replacing them with "I will" and do so by reminding myself that nothing is impossible because "I'M POSSIBLE"!  I WILL continue to push towards my goals and I WILL finish this with a bang.  I refuse to let this disease beat me, I WILL win this battle!

On September 4th, about a week after the program is done, I will be getting my medication again.  Yes, I am excited and thankful but I am also very nervous.  Going for my medication is a very long, tedious process which is sometimes quite painful.  Not only do they infuse the Rituxan, but I also must have a high dose of Predisone via IV immediately before it to help with the pain.  I will also be given extra strength Advil, Gravol to ease the nausea and Benedryl to help fend off potential allergic reactions.  They also have 9 other prescriptions standing by, ready to be filled on the spot if I have side effects that need to be managed in an emergency.  During my first infusion it took 1.5 hours, 7 tries and a few tears to get the IV in.  They had to stop my infusion twice: once to infuse Gravol to curb the severe nausea and the second time as an emergency to infuse Benedryl when my throat started to close during an allergic reation.  Every time they stop the Rituxan my joints start to burn and ache.  My first trip took over 6 hours and my second one was over 5.  It's an all day event that requires someone to come with me, sit by my side while I sleep, monitor me if needed and drive me home after.

I do not go into my infusions without risk, but my alternative is worse and I am not willing to take that chance!  Many people think it's crazy to need chemotherapy for RA, but it's very common in moderate and severe cases and I have failed the other drugs.  What many people don't know is that RA can also affect the internal organs including the outer wall of the heart, muscle of the heart, the lungs, blood vessels, the spine, the eyes etc if it is not kept under control by medication.  This medication is at least less frequent than some of the others but it is a rather high dose.  Without this, my future would be very dim.  When my disease is in a full flare I cannot brush my own hair or dress myself, I cannot roll over in bed or play wih my daughter.

One of the big reasons I look forward to getting my medication is because I'm looking forward to participating in Biggest Loser Ottawa 3!!  Without my medication I would continue to go downhill and no longer be able to participate in the program.  I will get the refill of my superpowers the week before the next Biggest Loser is set to start, so I will be ready to go full speed ahead into the next leg of my journey.  I heard it called "getting our superpowers" once by an amazing mother and her very young daughter who both have RA (the daughter was diagnosed at 2 years old) and I believe it's a very fitting description!  Even with the superowers full, I will still need your hep to participate! I will need all of you and everyone you know to vote for me once my video is posted.  By doing so, I can win my spot into the program for free and as many of you may remember, I cannot afford the program on my own.  It will be with your help that my journey will be able to continue!

As for the moment, I would like to fill you in on just how far I have come.  Before this program started I weighed 306.6 lbs and as of yesterday I now weigh 272 lbs!  That is a total loss of 34.6 lbs which is a whole 11.29% of my starting weight!  All of your support is what has helped to keep me going regardless of how difficult this road has been for me.  My journey is not over yet and I cannot wait to see how far this takes me!  Having lost another 5 lbs this week (my largest drop since my second week) it has now bumped me into second place in the program and I plan to finish it with a BANG!

I will be sure to update you when it's time to start voting for Biggest Loser Ottawa 3...

Lessons Learned

Last week I went away on vacation with my family.  We took a trip to the mountains in Quebec to visit St. Anne-de-Beaupre.  The landscape was absolutely beautiful and gave us some amazing memories.  We went whale watching in Baie St. Catherine, got to visit one of the oldest Catholic Basilicas in Northa America (which was stunning), toured Quebec City, took a gondola up Mont St. Anne where we took a hike for a couple of kilometers at the top of the mountain, visited the local aquarium and we even got to see Amaluna (a Cirque du Soleil show)! 

Our resort was nestled about 3 minutes from the base of Mont St. Anne so the view from our balcony was of the gorgeous mountain and we got to watch the sun set behind the mountain every night.  There was an outdoor pool that we enjoyed every day because the weather was beautiful, hot and sunny every single day we were there.  It was a fabulous vacation full of sweet memories and wonderful photos to help preserve them (including my 5 year old daughter learning to swim without a floatation device)! 

I will cherish my memories of that vacation for a long time but going away for a week has taught me several vaulable lessons on my journey:

1.  I cannot go a week without going to the gym.  Even if I am walking a lot, that's just not enoug to keep my body moving and keep myself in shape.

2.  Going a week without training allowed my RA to begin to flare.  This has resultd in pain, stiffness and extrme fatigue.  It may now take me several weeks to recover.

3.  Eating (and drinking) things that are not on the plan allows for temporary satisfaction but long-term suffering!  Not only did I end up feeling guilty for indulging, I also ended up feeling physically ill because my stomach was very unsettled.  Even though I am home, I am still having trouble getting it to settle even though I'm back on the plan.  It could take me days to weeks to get back to feeling normal again.

4.  Indulging for a week makes it hard to get back on the plan again.  I am craving things again which I had stopped craving ages ago.  Turns out having sugar just makes you crave more sugar.  Having salt just makes you crave more salt.  I'm looking forward to leaving my cravings behind.

5.  The thought that my journey may end in a few weeks terrifies me more than ever!  I am not ready to do this on my own without guidance.  I have come so far but as my body has quickly reminded me, I still have so far to go.  I will need help from every one I know and every one that they know so that I can win enough votes to stay in this program for another 3 months.  Hopefully we all know enough people!

While I was away last week I missed our weigh-in and measurements.  Because I indulged on vacation the thought of weighing in tonight made me feel sick to my stomache.  My allergies and RA are flaring, my stomache feels awful and the workout was going to be tough.  I felt like I was starting back at square one when I walked in to the gym today.  Only a week away from the gym and I was already having trouble keeping up with the intensity level of the workout.  By the time weigh-ins came I just wanted to get it over with.  I knew that I was so close to getting into the 270's two weeks ago but I knew that anthing that started with a "27" this week would take a miracle.  I watched the scale as it jumped around through the 270's and climbed.  I almost screamed when it stopped at 277!  I lost another 3.4 lbs giving me a total loss to date of 29.6 lbs (9.65%)!! 

I went into the gym feeling terrible but left there feeling better than I ever imagined I could.  I also left there thanking my lucky stars that we at least did a lot of walking and swimming on vacation.  More importantly, I've learned my lesson...to stay on plan and keep moving!!!

Changing Perspectives

I've felt a little bit like I've been slacking off lately which is partly because I haven't updated my blog in a week, partly because I haven't been filling out my food journal and mostly because I've had the urge to snack.  I had misplaced my food log but then when it was found, I just didn't seem to get back into keeping it up to date.  Well tonight I got back into it which should help with the snacking too.

I have been feeling very big urges to snack this weekend and I was feeling very guilty because I gave in to some of it.  The guilt about what I sack on now compared to what I used to are completely different and I needed to gain a new perspective on that.  I feel guilty when I give in and snack just like I used to feel.  The difference is that I used to feel guilty because I would eat a whole bag of chips when no one was looking!  Now when I say that I feel guilty because I gave in, it's because I had something not specifically on my plan but that doesn't mean I had a chocolate bar.  Instead of sweets, I gave in to an urge and had half of my daughter's peanut butter and jam sandwhich.  But let's put that into perspetive why don't we?  That sandwhich was made with whole wheat bread, homemade strawberry jam (a gift from a coworker) and the peanut butter was natural but sweetened with honey.  That is such a long way from a bag of chips or a bowl of ice cream!

Some of my other "cheats" that made me feel super guilty were one of my daughter's cheddar cheese strings (I was really craving cheese), having fruit all by itself as a snack in the afternoon rather than coupled with protein, and half a dozen organic multi-grain crackers with hummus!  I can't believe these items actually leave me feeling guily now considering I ate them in the past as something healthy.  Regardless of how healthy these were and how infrequent they were, they left me feeling terrible about my weigh-in tonight.

For the past couple of days I've been feeling rather "blah" and I thought it was because I "over indulged".  Yes, maybe I had a couple of things that weren't "on plan" or at the right time of the day, but they really were rather healthy.  I really didn't eat bad enough to be feeling this way so what else could it possibly be that was making me feel so terrible mentally?  I finally found the answer because I've noticed a pattern that I really do feel aweful every Tuesday.  The amount of time between my workouts on Saturday mornings and my workouts on Tuesday nights is twice the length of time between any of my other workouts!  By Tuesday morning I'm feeling lazy, larger and like I've failed when really I'm still right on track, just missing my workoutts.  I never in a million years thought that I would ever MISS working out!  Perhaps it's time to start considering adding in a workout of my own on Sundays...

Regardless of how much I was dreading the weigh-in tonight and thought that I had fallen off of the wagon, the scale tells the real story.  I stepped onto the sale and I swear my eyes almost fell out of my head and I most definitely did the happy dance!  I lost another 3.6 lbs this week to make for a total of 26.2 lbs in 6 weeks, which is 8.55% of my total starting weight!!! 

Clearly my little urges were controlled by what I decided to cheat with.  I made better choices than I ever would have in the past and still felt guilty.  I won't allow myself to do it often, but now I know that I can trust myself to make good decisions.  Little healthy alternatives can keep me going without going off track.  It's all about how you look at it and thanks to the scale, I am more confident in my choices.  I am now realizing how much my lifestyle has changed already and I'm able to look at things with a different perspective now.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not immune to pizza or ice cream but it sure is easier to resist if I fill up on healthy food.  I now weigh the guilt of eating those things I used to eat compared to the pleasure of eating them.  It's just not worth the guilt considering how healthy things can conjure up enough guilt now on their own!